The Blame Game: Why Do We Do It? Can We Change?

There is an old “saying” that goes: “When you point your finger at someone, remember there are three fingers pointing back at you.”

Examine the poster at the top and you can see the visual meaning. Don’t miss the words, however. It’s very human to blame a mistake or a problem on someone else. We all do it!

Let’s think about at least three reasons for those three fingers pointing back at us as we try to understand why people play the blame game and what we can do about it.

First, blame is a great way to protect ourselves from feelings of guilt or anxiety — a superb defense mechanism. Sometimes our ego’s get a little fragile and we don’t want to step up and take responsibility for a shortcoming or wrongdoing in our own behavior. Blaming someone else gives us an easy out.

Second, blame is easy to employ when we lose control of a situation. If we panic when our emotions take over, we regain control by blaming other people. Partners/couples and parents/children are especially adept by inventing blame with words like, “Well, if you hadn’t done that then I would not have done this.” Blame has such utility.

Third, blame can be a weapon for inflicting hurt on other people — consciously or subconsciously. Connie Mathers writes in developgoodhabits.com, “When you place blame on someone else, you may be trying to justify your actions to yourself to reduce your mind’s natural inhibitions to acting in a way that is socially unacceptable….you…