Where People Go To Die

It is Monday, before lunchtime, and I am sitting at the corner of a table that accommodates four residents in the large room of this Assisted Living facility.

This is the place where 30 residents eat three meals a day, get their meds, and hang out with “oldies” music in the background.

Colorful wash clothes are piled in the middle of our table. One of the residents begins to pull them out one at a time and fold them as best she can. She speaks with nonsensical phrases. Another resident has her head leaning backwards with her eyes closed and her mouth open, not an uncommon position for residents nearing the end of life.

Across the way, at another table, a resident reaches out and snags a “personal care aid” and solicits a hug. The resident may not recognize his or her spouse of how many ever years, but the desire for affection remains.

Another resident announces in a voice heard around the room what he wants for lunch — a hamburger with a big slice of raw onion. Nobody listens. That is not going to happen. But, he will not remember his lunch request.

While there is some commonality, the range of dependency and personality type is unique to each resident. Who they were in life is not necessarily who they are at the end of life. A personality of reticence can turn into a personality of aggression. Inward can become outward. Outward can become inward.

Two residents love to walk around the tables and down the hallway. One is at times near tears, the…